Tuesday, February 22, 2011

En Bayamón asaltan con cojones

Opinión sobre post: 

Hace poco estaba en Plaza Rio Hondo mirando las tiendas cuando de repente viene este nene como de 16 años y me pone una cuchilla en la espalda.  El nene comienza a pedirme la cartera y el celular. Yo le dije que lo cogiera suave, que le iba a dar la cartera pero primero que se tranquilizara.  Esta técnica donde intento calmar al asaltante lo vi por internet y aparentemente da resultados. El nene (obviamente era un caco, ¿alguna vez has visto un rockero o cocolo asaltando a alguien?) me mandó a callar y me dijo que avanzara o me iba a clavar el cuchillo por la espalda y dejarme parapléjico. Rápido saco mi cartera y se la entrego. Le dije que no tenia celular, pero le di a cambio un pen drive cargado de porno que me acabada de pasar un amigo. De hecho, el fin original de ir a Plaza Rio Hondo era encontrarme con este amigo a darme par de películas pioneras en el arte de la pornografía.

El pillo coge las cosas y sale corriendo a las millas. Cuando se fué, se metió por el parking y allí había otro amigo montao en un carro para irse.  Otro caco más. Pa colmo, el carro era un Yugo alterado.

El asunto es este: esa cartera que le di no tenía nada por dentro. Es una cartera ficticia que uso cuando voy a los centros comerciales de Bayamón, pues es bien probable que me asalten.  El dinero y las identificaciones las guardo en una bolsita y me lo meto por las bolas y por las nalgas. Siempre ha funcionado y nunca me han hecho daño. Es más, a mi ya me han asaltado en Rio Hondo como 4 veces y en Canton Mall como 10 veces.  Una vez trataron de hacerlo en Plaza del Sol pero no pudo. En Rexville 2 veces y en Victory Plaza 3 veces. Asaltar en Bayamón siempre está de moda.

Lo único que perdí en verdad fue el pen drive con el contenido valioso. Menos mal que esos pen drive son baratos y a veces se consiguen gratis en la calle. 

Yo no sé qué ocasione tanto asalto en un mismo sitio, pero pa mi que tiene que ver con los tapones. En Maricao no hay tapones y allí nunca han asaltado.  

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Eah, yo no salgo de Bayamon, he vivido ahi toda la vida y nunca me ha pasado nada de eso. Debe ser que te ven cara de jibaro jajaja... y eso de meterse los chavos en las bolas y en las nalgas me huele a mi a preso de la 1072. A mi me parece que tu lo que te pasa es que estas merodeando Bayamon a ver que preso necesita noviecita. By the way, en el Canton Mall no te van a asaltar ... way 2 much control cerca en Virgilio como pa q eso pase ahi...

Kofla Olivieri said...

Hoy en dia hay que andar armado, no se puede contar con la policia.

Beato said...

Solo curiosidad Manny. Tienes una nube negra suelta o algo asi? O algun rotulo que dice 'Asaltame please?' A mi no me han asaltado tras muchos a/nos de caminar todos esos lares. Debe ser mi cara de muerto de hambre y comentarios tipo maceta jimenez. No creo que sea por judoka, o porque tenga cara de viejo aborrecio o porque los intimido de lejos diciendo 'no jodas cabron. te vi. te estoy chequeando oite pai' (esa es la tecnica de mi esposa, debe ser el tono estridente en que lo dice, Vista Alegre style).
Pero en serio, creo que ser asertivo y estar alerta a los buscones ayuda.
http://www.personalsecurityproductsonline.com/self-defense/avoiding-an-attack.shtml
Lo de la cartera falsa suena excelente. Tomare oreja de eso.
Como que tengo la nocion que hice unas ilustraciones para una publicacion de la Guardia Universitaria del RUM del mismo tema (1990 y pico). Si encuentro los bocetos los posteo en mi blog...

Anonymous said...

cabron aqui mataron un tipo ayer frente a la casa, bayamon lo hace mejor

Manny Colón said...

Beato, dios bendiga tu existencia con placer y peo. pon las ilustraciones.

anonimo, bayamon es la cuna del exito.

Anonymous said...

Estas cabron, valga la redundancia, los cajeros te tienen que odiar. Yo me lo imagino, "27.50 caballero" y fuuua te metes las manos en las nalgas y le das los chavos como si na, con un pelo guindando. Lo de la cartera esta bueno, voy a coger y la voy a llenar de chavos de monopolio pa que se la lleven gordita.

Manny Colón said...

anonimo, la idea con dinero de Monopolio te va a funcionar bien cabron.. ya por eso yo ando tranquilo por las calles, puedo caminar por caserios y no me asusta.

Mierdoso said...

Manny lo que pasa es que te ven cara de cabrón confundido y te brincan.

Beato said...

http://alcantarillaalquimica.blogspot.com/2011/02/manual-de-seguridad-rum-1991.html

Anonymous said...

deberias comprarte una glock

Anonymous said...

Con esa cara de mamau q tiene ps cualquiera te asalta yo vivo en bayamon jangueo en bayamon siempre ando asicala con lo mejor y nadie me asalta ni me hacen un carajo...

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